19 June 2006
two nights ago i had a dream: i was holding cosmo over the toilet, or near a toilet, and i accidentally dropped him, or he slipped or squirmmed out of my arms, and fell into the toilet. though it all happened in a split second, i remember how it felt in the dream. i knew exactly what to do without thinking about it, and i did not pause --i began to act quickly. i reached into the toilet to pull him out. he was considerably smaller than he is in waking life, and part of his body had gone down into the opening at the bottom of the bowl. i had to turn his head a little to get him out, but i did manage to pull him out fast, and then i instictively held him upside down, and patted his back. he was coughing and sputtering, so i knew he was alright. i knew he was getting air. i put him on his back and started pushing on his tummy, like i had seen in a flinstone's episode as a kid. in the cartoon, the water came out of barney's mouth like a fountain. not so much in my dream, but some water did come out. i don't recall the rest of the dream, but cosmo was fine.
i know, it sounds like a really awful dream. i have had many like this one. near misses. dreams where something terrible almost happens. sometimes it involves water, sometimes it involves me leaving him somewhere, and then realizing that i am not sure if i have left him in anyone's care or not, and i am frantically trying to get back to him. in the end, he is always okay. this particular dream was different in that i felt completely confident through the whole ordeal that i could save him. i think these dreams represent (if indeed, dreams represent anything) the doubts and fears i have about parenting, and my anxiety about leaving him with others, and this specific dream is also an affirmation of the overall confidence i feel as a mother.
another toilet issue i wanted to mention is that cosmo has become quite accustomed to using his little potty chair. when we are home together, i give him the chance to use it as soon as he wakes up, either in the morning, or from naps. he almost always pees right away. i have also become quite skilled at noticing when he is about to poo, and when i bring him to the bathroom for that, he just goes! it is so cool. i haven't had to change a poopy diaper in quite a while now. hats off to miah raj and lila for the EC inspiration!
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