09 January 2006
Today i went for my 6 weeks check up with the midwives. it has been almost 7 weeks since Cosmo's birth. i didn't really prepare for how emotional it would be to return to the midwives' office. all 5 of them were there, and they each got to meet Cosmo. I shared the pictures with Titi, and we hugged and talked about how great the birth was. Everyone remarked on how cute he is, and how big. Theadorah could not believe he was only having breast milk.
When we went into the examination room, i looked at the wall of photographs, and it all came flooding back over me. I had been in the room several times before, and each time i stared at those pictures and tried to imagine the day of our birth, and who Cosmo might be. Back then he was just an idea. a wish. i saw the gel used for the doptone device, the one we listened to his little heartbeat with, before we could ever look into his eyes. He was only a dream to me then. now, he is a live, real person, with features and traits. i am getting to know him, as he becomes who he is. while he is a full, real human being, so much is undefined. i am so significant to him that i will have an effect on who he becomes. this is the scary part.
when i remembered back to the last time i was there, i started to cry. so much has happened since then. again, this is all so hard to fathom.
the weather was beautiful. partly cloudy around 70-75 degrees. i felt so good, walking around by the museums today, boarding the train, being a pedestrian with Cosmo in the medical center. i feel so proud of him, and he seemed to enjoy the trip. strangers will strike up conversations with you when you have a small baby--even more so than when you are pregnant. i mostly like it.
on new year's eve i noticed cosmo holding his head up high, and for a much longer time than ever before. i decided that this must be the day for the milestone "holding his own head up"
in the airport, i put him down on a blanket on the floor, on his tummy, and he lifted his little head, and tried a few baby push-ups before he got all tuckered out. Cosmo tries.
he took a bottle for the first time on the trip too. twice. he took to it well. i found myself feeling nostalgic and wanting him to always only nurse at my breast. It reminds me of that Low song, "In Metal." of course i want him to grow and change, and it is so exciting to witness, but i can't help but feel sentimental about the whole thing. it is ridiculous, i know.
He is downright ecstatic about his mobile over the changing table. catching sight of it will pull him straight out of the grumpiest of moods. he is able to fix his gaze on objects now, and trace them with coordinated eye movement. Little genius!
he seems to get stronger everyday, and (and i don't know HOW he does this...) but also more cute.
ok. i've got to stop now. it's getting pretty thick.